Weekly Anxiety Q&A
"How do I stop hyperfixating on things I said socially? I'm always wondering if I said the right thing or the wrong thing."
From an evolutionary standpoint this makes sense as social anxiety most likely increased a our chances of surviving, reproducing, and not be rejected or excluded by our group. Even though our lives our very different from our ancestors, our brains are always narrating our experience and sharing it’s opinion. From the same evolutionary standpoint, it makes sense that we’d remember negative (even if they're just perceived negative) things in order to avoid them in the future. What was once a smart strategy is now just a bad habit. The good news is that habits can be changed!
Habits change as a result of insights and it's helpful to understand that the brain is a story teller and often its stories are wrong. I did not know that for most of my life. I thought if I had a thought that it was true.
Realizing that our brain tells the worst stories about ourselves to ourselves is actually a key to our freedom. It's like realizing your chasing your tail and the relief comes when you know you can’t catch it. There’s nothing to solve. No need to figure out if we said the right or wrong thing. Other people’s opinions of you are none of your business. We’re often are harshest critic and waste so much time in an endless cycle of rumination.
We'll always get unproductive thoughts. Just because we feel them strongly doesn’t mean that they’re true. Thoughts are neutral and they will pass on their own—unless we do something with them or make something of them. When we don't take our thinking so seriously we're free to chose which thoughts we bring to life, which are helpful, and which thoughts to ignore.
It is so exciting to me that we’re only always one thought away from a whole new experience.
When you can recognize that you’re unnecessarily hyper fixating on what you’ve said that’s your invitation to come back to the present.
“It is the now that takes you from living in the darkness of yesterday’s negative memories and turns the darkness into light. Remember, my friend, darkness cannot survive in the midst of light and living in the now is that light.”- Syd Banks
Watch the video below where I talk more about what to do when you find yourself hyper fixating on things you said socially.